Day 23 - 10/30/10 - Lonely world

            I umm… I have to say that today I feel alone. I feel like I’m looking through a window and no one can see me on the other side. I’m just a random person walking through the life of this town. I’m so used to knowing everyone everywhere I go, or making friends really easily, but it’s been kind of hard since I’ve been here. I realize that I’ve only lived in Velez for two weeks and maybe I’m getting in a little over my head with this, but I just wish I had someone to sit and watch TV with, to go take a walk around town, to ride to Torre del Mar and walk by the beach, to joke around with, to go have a drink with, to call. I miss my friends and I miss my family. I miss the people who support me and make me who I am.

           

            On the way to work I pass by another high school before I get to mine and the students that stand and wait outside just sit there and look at me when I walk by. It’s so awkward. When I leave work it’s the same thing. I feel like the new kid, the new kid that no one talks to. I realize that these are high school kids, but that’s all I see! High school kids and old people. Where in the hell are all of the people that are my age in this town? I’ve heard that there isn’t really nightlife here, so I went out in Malaga last weekend and last night with new friends that I made out there, but it would be nice to not have to take an hour long bus ride to see friends and go out. It would be nice to have friends in this town. I do have one friend here, Jakob, but our schedules are completely opposite. I want to meet the people that live here and get an insider’s view of this town, where all the locals go, where they don’t go, why this is like that and that is like this, etc. The motivation is there, I’m just… shy. Any of you who are reading this and know me know that I’m really outgoing and love meeting people, but it’s totally different when it comes to being completely on my own. All I need is one person, just one person.

            I’m going to look at this as a challenge. Within the next two weeks I will go out of my comfort zone and go places alone to try to find and meet people my age. No more sitting at home alone and only doing things on the weekend. My afternoons are free, I’m going to start going to random bars and restaurants, take the tram to Torre del Mar and explore the bars, restaurants and shops there, I’m going to ask random people on the street questions, try to find a soccer team and people who like to go hiking, etc. Hopefully along the way I will get to know this town and be a part of the life here rather than just look at it as someone who is just passing through.

            Two weeks really isn’t long at all, I think I just need to give it time and not expect everything to fall together all at once. I like my job, I like the people I work with, I like this town and every other town I’ve been to so far, I like the new friends I’ve made in Malaga and my friend Jakob here, I like my apartment, and I’m glad I decided to take this opportunity. I just miss the comfort of having familiar people around, I feel like I haven’t been able to completely be myself yet. I’m kind of excited to go through all of these stages of emotions and comfort levels. This is going to be a good experience.